Alright, I had said that this blog would be largely about my opinion on ...stuff. Just whatever. A vast portion of the things I know enough about to write about are, quite counter-intuitively, things I dislike. One of those things happens to be the Twilight Saga by Stephanie Meyer. A very common target, but a good place to start as any. Let's begin with the basics. Fair warning, the following is my opinion and it may be hate filled and petty.
For those of you who don't know about Twilight (and I'd be curious to know how you avoided it's plague-like spread) it is a series of relationship-driven vampire young adult novels. The stories rotate around the main character, Bella, and her relationship with her vamp... No, you know what, nevermind. You know what Twilight is, whether you want to or not, you know. God help you.
I loathe Twilight. And loathe is a strong word. So strong that the word "hate" is jumbled up and hidden inside it. It has been said to me before that the book series gets millions of girls interested in reading. This is true, but sweet mother of jesus I wish they would move on to other books faster.
I'll be honest, I haven't read the books. I've read samples of them. Reading the entirety of something I hate simply to validate my hate for it is pointlessly counter-productive. But as I said, I have read samples. Said samples certainly didn't turn me on to the books. Some of you may say this is because I am a dude. With a penis. Who is heterosexual. Au contraire.
I know several guys who read the books. All of them. And liked them. These are people who also read a lot of books that I enjoy. Or at the very least Stephen King. What confused me more is that they were completely confounded as to why I wouldn't like Twilight. So let's get that out there for realsies.
The book is not well written. The main character is an empty shell for the reader to slip in to. Like a giant robot suit for the reader to pilot (or at least watch from the cockpit while autopilot does it's duty), only in love with a vampire, played by Kristen Stewart, and incapable of destroying buildings. Other than that, the love interest is a very creepy vampire stalker who ran away from the person who was pining after him. Which led her to attempt to commit suicide. Then he tried to commit suicide. Or some shit. I don't really attempt to learn much more than that. Then he came back and some stuff happened. Then later he ripped open her pregnant stomach with his teeth. Or something. I will describe the movies in my opinion with simply two words: Dull Angst.
But no, the story itself isn't why I hate Twilight, truly. No. I hate Twilight for two core reasons. The first is because of the fans. Oh, the fans. I'd like to make it clear out of the gate that I'm not attacking all Twilight fans. I'm attacking the crazy ones.
The rabidness with which they treat the franchise is ridiculous. Many have seemed generally offended if someone dislikes the franchise. Especially active, unprompted dislike (like this here blog post). This is ridiculous, as an attack on something like Twilight IS NOT an attack on people who like Twilight. They often act as if they and the story are one. Forever entwined, and an insult to one is an insult to the other. Unless Twilight is actually a written version of The Borg, this is not true.
Along with this, the whole 'Twimoms' thing is just REALLY. FUCKING. CREEPY. I mean a mother is allowed to like romance and all, but the character is 17. Immortality be damned, he is 17.
Here is an interesting way to think about it that I happened to come up with the other day. Reverse the gender of every character in Twilight. The main character is a teenaged boy named "Bill" who moves to a small town in Washington state only to be hit on by a female werewolf named Jane and then stalked by a female vampire named Edga. The boy is never described in detail, but the detail used to describe the Edga is detailed WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE. Every attractive feature she could possibly have is outlined. Her chest, he face, her general body shape, her hair, her hands, EVERYTHING. And Edga is stalking Bill because he is (apparently) the most attractive and overall bestest person EVAH and she totally wants to tap that.
Regardless as to how male readers may or may not react to a story like that, what would the public think, hm? Would they grab it and hold on to it like a baby gorilla to its mother, like they do for the normal story? No, they probably wouldn't. They would probably call it sexist, or something. I don't claim to be a psychologist who can accurately predict the way groups react to things, but it does give you something to think about, and outline the possible (probable [definite]) double standard. You know where Reverse Gender Twilight would go in a book store? More likely the romance novels than the young adult section. That is for damn sure.
The second thing that angers me about twilight, has absolutely nothing to do with the story itself. No it is how much media is trying to STUFF IT DOWN MY FUCKING THROAT. I officially gave up on reading young adult novels when I was about 13. You know why? Every god damn book in the section was about vampire relationships from the female point of view. Me, a boy who was no interested in donning the empty female robot suit to pretend I'm being hit on my a vampire guy with great pecks, tried to find something else to read. It is too late, to long into the post, and I'm too tired to list (or even remember) the many more instances where the all spreading TwiBorg angered me, but I can tell you where it hit critical mass, from my point of you. When Burger King decided that Twilight should influence my purchasing decisions. You cannot escape the god damn sparkling reach of of the Twilight vampire. It has stretched all the way to fast food, where most people would rather sit quietly in a corner, crying on a cheeseburger and wondering where there life went wrong. Oh wait, nevermind, I'm talking about Burger King not IHOP. The point remains the same. If the next time I go on a hike in the mountains (my ultimate form of escapism), I see Frederick Diggory staring at me from a black T-Shirt, I think I might have to kill Stephanie Meyer.
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