Friday, September 10, 2010

Caution: Not a Rant (Microfiction)

I apologize for my long stint of inactivity, I've been busy with school work and such. As a sign that I'm still alive, I'm going to post a prompt from my creative writing course. For lack of anything to rant about. The idea was based of the microfiction story "Happy Endings" by Margaret Atwood.

Options



It's amazing, sometimes, how delicate possibilities are. Just very small changes, one small thing not happening, could completely alter the course of someone's life. If the path of life is, indeed, a path, to stick with a familiar clichéd metaphor, then it is a path with thousands upon thousands of possible routes and offshoots, all with the signposts that are old worn and written in another language, always leading off in a distant direction obscured by some vague landmark that gives you a ambiguous idea of your destination, but you don't even know if that is the path that will lead you there, because there are innumerable ones that seem to go in that direction. You have to base your chosen direction only on what you've already experienced and what others have told you, and by the time you've experienced enough to make wise decisions you'll be too far along the road to make any of the turns worthwhile.

Oh and your blindfolded, dizzy, and your shoelaces are tied together. And a bunch of people are going to make decisions for you that you can't change or affect. Have a blast.

So let's begin then. Roll a die to pick the initial path. You don't have a die with you? Well I hardly see how that's my problem. I'll let you go ransack a board game or something. It's okay, I'll wait...

There, now roll it... Okay, what did you get? Was it four? Well, it doesn't matter because we're not going to use a dice, that's stupid. Why would you base your future on a die roll? Moving on to option A.

A:
Steven is born in a suburb outside a big city. He is an only child to a stable family relationship. He does average in school, eventually choosing to go to a college in the city nearby, where he can keep in touch with his family. After college, Steven moves on to a mundane desk job, where he assists a bunch of people he never met working a similarly mundane desk job sell some similarly mundane objects. Here he meets his wife, Susan, with whom he moves to the suburbs outside the city where they have one child and a stable family relationship.

2:
Steven is born in a suburb outside a big city. He is an only child to a stable family relationship. He does average in school, eventually choosing to go to a college on the opposite side of the country of his home town. Here he is exposed to ideas and experiences he hadn't even thought of at home. After college he joins the Peace Corps., and leaves for several years to help a country worse off than his own with problems unheard of in his country of origin. Here he meets his wife, Susan, whom he marries upon their return to their home country. He settles down in the suburb outside a different big city from his home town, and though his neighbors are often annoyed by how much he talks about his time in the Peace Corps, the gas mileage he gets on his hybrid car, or the fact that they should put solar panels on their roofs, he lives happily and has one child and a stable family relationship.

C:
Steven is born in a suburb outside a big city. He is the first of two children to a stable family relationship. He does well in school, eventually going to a college in the city nearby. Unfortunately, his younger brother Robert doesn't do as well, and falls in with an unfortunate crowd. After college, Steven moves on to a mundane desk job, while his brother continues his relationship with aforementioned unfortunate crowd. While Steven is busy trying to get Susan to laugh while idly drinking coffee, Roger is arrested for a crime of your choice. Roger spends the rest of his life in and out of jail. This puts emotional strain on his mother, who Steven and Susan have to take in. Though this puts a strain on their marriage, they persevere.

C2:
Or, maybe they don't persevere. Susan decides she has had enough and chooses to leave the marriage along with Steven's son, Michael. Steven takes care of his mother for several months before she passes away. He attempts to begin dating again but never finds any successful relationships. He manages to maintain a strained but happy relationship with his son. Steven occupies himself with work and a few hobbies. He eventually sees his son move to a suburb outside a big city and start a family. Though he is not happy with his life, he perseveres, taking solace in the fact that his wife has been as unhappy as him since the divorce.

IV:
Steven is born in a suburb outside a big city. He is the second of two children to a stable family relationship. His brother, Roger does average in school, eventually choosing to go to a college in the big city nearby. Steven, however falls in with an unfortunate crowd. After being in a group of people making a collectively poor decision, Steven is arrested. His arrest suitably terrifies him (he is rather easily intimidated) and he resolves to join the police force. He goes through training, and begins working in the big city. He marries an office worker named Susan, who he meets by chance on a walk. However, Steven experiences many unpleasant things as a result of his work leading to a strained and distant relationship with his Susan, who stays with him through it all.

&:
Steven is born in a suburb outside a big city. He is an only child to a stable family relationship. He does average in school, eventually choosing to go to a college in the city nearby, where he can keep in touch with his family. Here in college he meets a woman that would eventually become his wife, who is named Susan (but it's a different from the Susan before. Coincidence is funny like that). Following college he begins a mundane desk job doing mundane things, etc. His marriage to Susan 2.0 becomes strained however, and Steven is single again by his thirties. He occupies himself with work however he eventually begins to loathe the company he works for. Continue as in the movie Office Space. Or any movie that begins with an discontented office worker really. I'd suggest Fight Club.

∞:
Steven is born in a suburb outside a big city. On one night while he was a teenager he has a a peculiar dream where he meets himself 6 times. Each time is both subtlety and obviously different. He can't stand any of them, and finds all of them to be insufferably boring or annoying. He then goes to a college somewhere in the middle of the country, where he hopes to meet his future wife and settle down in some small town nowhere near a big city.

Doesn't exactly match up with that monologue at the beginning does it? Funny, how these kinds of things just happen like that. It's like there's no choice at all.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Hate Train Leaving The Station (Twilight)

Alright, I had said that this blog would be largely about my opinion on ...stuff. Just whatever. A vast portion of the things I know enough about to write about are, quite counter-intuitively, things I dislike. One of those things happens to be the Twilight Saga by Stephanie Meyer. A very common target, but a good place to start as any. Let's begin with the basics. Fair warning, the following is my opinion and it may be hate filled and petty.

For those of you who don't know about Twilight (and I'd be curious to know how you avoided it's plague-like spread) it is a series of relationship-driven vampire young adult novels. The stories rotate around the main character, Bella, and her relationship with her vamp... No, you know what, nevermind. You know what Twilight is, whether you want to or not, you know. God help you.

I loathe Twilight. And loathe is a strong word. So strong that the word "hate" is jumbled up and hidden inside it. It has been said to me before that the book series gets millions of girls interested in reading. This is true, but sweet mother of jesus I wish they would move on to other books faster.

I'll be honest, I haven't read the books. I've read samples of them. Reading the entirety of something I hate simply to validate my hate for it is pointlessly counter-productive. But as I said, I have read samples. Said samples certainly didn't turn me on to the books. Some of you may say this is because I am a dude. With a penis. Who is heterosexual. Au contraire.

I know several guys who read the books. All of them. And liked them. These are people who also read a lot of books that I enjoy. Or at the very least Stephen King. What confused me more is that they were completely confounded as to why I wouldn't like Twilight. So let's get that out there for realsies.

The book is not well written. The main character is an empty shell for the reader to slip in to. Like a giant robot suit for the reader to pilot (or at least watch from the cockpit while autopilot does it's duty), only in love with a vampire, played by Kristen Stewart, and incapable of destroying buildings. Other than that, the love interest is a very creepy vampire stalker who ran away from the person who was pining after him. Which led her to attempt to commit suicide. Then he tried to commit suicide. Or some shit. I don't really attempt to learn much more than that. Then he came back and some stuff happened. Then later he ripped open her pregnant stomach with his teeth. Or something. I will describe the movies in my opinion with simply two words: Dull Angst.

But no, the story itself isn't why I hate Twilight, truly. No. I hate Twilight for two core reasons. The first is because of the fans. Oh, the fans. I'd like to make it clear out of the gate that I'm not attacking all Twilight fans. I'm attacking the crazy ones.

The rabidness with which they treat the franchise is ridiculous. Many have seemed generally offended if someone dislikes the franchise. Especially active, unprompted dislike (like this here blog post). This is ridiculous, as an attack on something like Twilight IS NOT an attack on people who like Twilight. They often act as if they and the story are one. Forever entwined, and an insult to one is an insult to the other. Unless Twilight is actually a written version of The Borg, this is not true.

Along with this, the whole 'Twimoms' thing is just REALLY. FUCKING. CREEPY. I mean a mother is allowed to like romance and all, but the character is 17. Immortality be damned, he is 17.

Here is an interesting way to think about it that I happened to come up with the other day. Reverse the gender of every character in Twilight. The main character is a teenaged boy named "Bill" who moves to a small town in Washington state only to be hit on by a female werewolf named Jane and then stalked by a female vampire named Edga. The boy is never described in detail, but the detail used to describe the Edga is detailed WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE. Every attractive feature she could possibly have is outlined. Her chest, he face, her general body shape, her hair, her hands, EVERYTHING. And Edga is stalking Bill because he is (apparently) the most attractive and overall bestest person EVAH and she totally wants to tap that.

Regardless as to how male readers may or may not react to a story like that, what would the public think, hm? Would they grab it and hold on to it like a baby gorilla to its mother, like they do for the normal story? No, they probably wouldn't. They would probably call it sexist, or something. I don't claim to be a psychologist who can accurately predict the way groups react to things, but it does give you something to think about, and outline the possible (probable [definite]) double standard. You know where Reverse Gender Twilight would go in a book store? More likely the romance novels than the young adult section. That is for damn sure.

The second thing that angers me about twilight, has absolutely nothing to do with the story itself. No it is how much media is trying to STUFF IT DOWN MY FUCKING THROAT. I officially gave up on reading young adult novels when I was about 13. You know why? Every god damn book in the section was about vampire relationships from the female point of view. Me, a boy who was no interested in donning the empty female robot suit to pretend I'm being hit on my a vampire guy with great pecks, tried to find something else to read. It is too late, to long into the post, and I'm too tired to list (or even remember) the many more instances where the all spreading TwiBorg angered me, but I can tell you where it hit critical mass, from my point of you. When Burger King decided that Twilight should influence my purchasing decisions. You cannot escape the god damn sparkling reach of of the Twilight vampire. It has stretched all the way to fast food, where most people would rather sit quietly in a corner, crying on a cheeseburger and wondering where there life went wrong. Oh wait, nevermind, I'm talking about Burger King not IHOP. The point remains the same. If the next time I go on a hike in the mountains (my ultimate form of escapism), I see Frederick Diggory staring at me from a black T-Shirt, I think I might have to kill Stephanie Meyer.

Friday, July 16, 2010

So... Come Here Often?

The answer to that question would be no, you do not. If you DO, then you are probably a time traveler, in which case you should come meet me in person. I probably won't mug you and steal your future technology for my own selfish purposes.

So... I have started a blog. A 'blag' if your privy to a certain web comic. I plan on using this blog for more or less any writing I do. Most of it will probably be stuff written specifically for this here blag. There might be separate stuff thrown in here or there. Perhaps even a few photographs I've taken. Depends on if I'm in an artsy mood. More than anything, I feel like this blog will probably be about things I dislike. Oft, with great intensity. I'm sure I could list examples here, but all in due time. I'm sure I'll find something to compliment at some point.

For now I just need to focus on making this blog pretty enough to keep my eyes from committing suicide every time I try and post something and maybe it'll be usable.

So, Welcome. Let the [cliché] begin.